I think by today’s standards in DC, it’s one-star quality (food only). That said, your “slapping shit together as fast as he can” comment is funny and describes the general scene perfectly (although I’d substitute “sushi” for the word you used).
You also touched on one of my three criticisms about the food itself: I had one piece of nigiri explode in my hand because of the rice. I also think the entire meal has a very narrow palate amplitude. Finally, I found the sequence of maguro, chu-toro, and o-toro (really?) to be in descending order of quality.
But there’s too much good here (like the $100 price) to be focusing on the bad. I’ve had numerous You’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me one-star meals in DC, and this wasn’t one of them.
Still, yours is a legitimate point-of-view shared by another friend of mine who tried it (I never went to Nakazawa, but I’d be crestfallen if I paid $190 for this).