DonRocks Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I saw a pattern in the carpet. Then I looked away, looked back. and it was gone. Then I went to the kitchen, and grabbed a beer, and when I returned, it was there again. So I began to masturbate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DameEdna Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Despondent over G3 closing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Heineman Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 please lock this before you tell us about the part when you finish masturbating ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanCole42 Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Go on.... <grabs popcorn> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I wonder what 183 of us are visualizing? Thanks for the fantasies... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 Now, we're having anal sex, nearly, every single day singing doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 My DNA courseth through your every cell. A beautiful way to tell a man you did his mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B.A.R. Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 My DNA courseth through your every cell. A beautiful way to tell a man you did his mother. Is this the thread where I can find a good proctologist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turbogrrl Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 this is just to say I drank the beer that was in the ice box which you were probably saving for your breakfast masturbation forgive me. it was lovely. so hoppy, so cold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 If I die young, bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song The sharp knife of a short life Well, I've had just enough time (Never switch to the radio station your kids listen to, you will be useless for the rest of the day) The Band Perry-If I Die Young Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Not that I'm calling you an asshole or anything, but: BEEP-BEEP-BEEP, BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP <ring ... ring ... ring> "Dial-An-Asshole ... May I take your order please?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DameEdna Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Rosa Mexicano sucks. It sucks! How much does it suck? It sucks, that’s how much it sucks. It sucks ducks, bucks, monster trucks, hockey pucks, guys named Chuck, migrant workers that shuck, lightning bolts that struck, sewage workers wallowing in muck, rear-wheel drive cars that are stuck, vagrants who are down on their luck, babys who taste spinach for the first time and say yuck, and don’t think for a moment I’ve forgotten about the word fuck. There! [from the slim volume "the poems and philosophy of D. Rockwell"] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B.A.R. Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 This guy may be ready for Friday Afternoon Throwdowns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 In my next lifetime, I want to return as the penisauraus in Flesh Gordon. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I just this second realized it was Friday, and remembered this thread. As I type, I have no idea what I'm about to write, so here I go, completely winging it: A laundry basket, latticed, sits at my side. No, that's not going anywhere. I just ate a bowl of grapes, somewhat testicular in nature. There are two shriveled ones left at the bottom, with stem. "Coming soon: Road Improvements!" essentially means that your life is fucked for the next five years. "Please click for Software Upgrade" means that your enhanced version will put out tracking cookies, and remind you about expiration dates. When Evil Knievel jumped the Snake River Canyon, he petered out in a big way, but give him credit for taking the risk. My favorite quote from Steve Jobs was something about there being "no skeletons that can't be allowed out." Sort of how I feel about myself. Let those who live in glass houses ... Is it possible, that I'll make it through this without saying something that is crude? Yes. It is possible. But highly unlikely. So let Judge William Adams, statute of limitations be damned, live the rest of his life, knowing that he will be condemned for all of eternity, because the internet, this most permanent form of communication has no statute of limitations - it is forever, and so his legacy will be that of a child abuser, the smallest and lowest form of humankind. Scumbag piece of shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 amen, & as for the rest of the Friday throw down,introspection is a good thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Saw this video on Websleuths yesterday, & it made me sick...so many things slide by.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Mary had a little lamb and topped it with some raita and then she had a little ham and her grandmother Batsheva feigned a heart attack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porcupine Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Rocks, have you ever blown a seal on Alaska Avenue? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 No sexually suggestive musings for the weekend? I feel kind of cheated, didn't mean to be a thread killer w/ the Band Perry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Oh, dear. Please tell me this didn't happen. I fear that this team must have been crappin'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted July 20, 2012 Author Share Posted July 20, 2012 An eye for detail, I have discovered an error on the Cannes Film Festival website. "Petulia" is from the UK, and not from the USA. https://www.festival-cannes.com/en/films/petulia And I need, oh, how I need to get a life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted August 17, 2012 Author Share Posted August 17, 2012 New Year's Resolution, 2015: Stop worrying about petty things. Thinking of the very few people who make my blood curdle just to look at ... they are, without exception, grinning idiots, seemingly devoid of meaningful substance, and focused entirely on themselves and their own self-advancement. Show me someone of intelligence and reason, who completely disagrees with my views or philosophies, and I'll show you someone for whom I just bought a drink. Show me an imbecile devoted to the well-being of others, and I'll show you someone who has commanded my deepest admiration and respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted August 18, 2012 Author Share Posted August 18, 2012 "It's not a gray hair; it's a secondary nuance." -- The aging oenophile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMike Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 https://www.facebook...&type=1 Good to know if you like an audience! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveO Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 I was reading this...and it struck me later....Howl/ Allan Ginsburg. oh my been years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 I opened my dresser drawer this morning, and saw a mouse in it. "JESUS!" I screamed, and ran out of the bedroom. Fang Die Maus is Whack-a-Mole in German. I know this because I saw it at an arcade back in the late 80s. I'm lying about the dresser drawer and the mouse, btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMike Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 So you just screamed "JESUS!" and ran out of your bedroom even though there was no mouse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weezy Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 even though it isn't Friday afternoon........... "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" In case you didn't already know this little tidbit of trivia.... On july 20, 1969, as commander of the apollo 11 lunar module, neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions. But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark - "good luck, Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs . Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the - 'good luck, Mr. Gorsky' statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay , Florida , while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question about Mr Gorsky to Armstrong. This time he finally responded because Mr. Gorsky had died, so neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question. Here is the answer to "who was Mr Gorsky": In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-western town , he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by their bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" It broke the place up. Neil Armstrong's family confirmed this is a true story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saf Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Neil Armstrong's family confirmed this is a true story. I always hate to say this about a good story, but... http://www.snopes.com/quotes/mrgorsky.asp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 In the "Shit A Brick" category ... "I was terrified to see a man who I thought was dead, trying to get out of the grave," the woman recalled later, according to local reports. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Not even close to a half-dead corpse crawling out of the grave, but I'm trying to get some tree work done, & I've called these guys 5 times since Wed. & they keep blowing me off, 'we're working in that area, I'll be there in 15 minutes'-damn, if I had a business, & someone wanted to hire me for a couple thousand dollar job, I'd show up. For a Friday Throwdown, I should throw in some poetry, or try to dress it up-sorry, guys, just a homeowner trying to get some work done, I'm already conflicted about removing trees. Just hope I don't have nightmares about it. & because I'm cranky, here's boys in khakis, singing a Taylor Swift song (you guys need to suffer)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jz11SQJBeKk I Knew You Were Trouble - UNC Clef Hangers (Fall Concert 2012) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 & because I'm cranky, here's boys in khakis, singing a Taylor Swift song (you guys need to suffer)- The disturbing thing about this is the list of possible reasons for you knowing that this video exists. There is a first for everything, and I suspect this is the first time this video has ever been shared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 I am a UNC-CH grad, & my daughter wants to go to CH (even though she's a VA resident).(not the first time it's shared). I will always support the Clefhangers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted December 6, 2013 Author Share Posted December 6, 2013 Some of these are laugh-out-loud funny. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/83715685/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Still trying to analyze my recent interest in accapella groups, maybe I'm just envious because I can't sing at all. I worry about the kids who are in the background & just get to sing 'woop-woop' or 'Chhhh-chhhh' over & over. Florida State University AcaBelles - Royals (opb. Lorde) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoramargolis Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 I am a UNC-CH grad, & my daughter wants to go to CH (even though she's a VA resident).(not the first time it's shared). I will always support the Clefhangers... My daughter graduated from UNC-CH this past May, and these boys sang at the graduation -- performing one of several versions of James Taylor's "Carolina On My Mind" we heard that day. It seems to be the unofficial school song. A friend of mine's mother now owns and lives in the house James Taylor grew up in, near the campus in Chapel Hill. His father was Dean of the medical school. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 I have many fond memories of my time at UNC-CH (& I'm resigned to the fact my kids probably won't go there), I can understand my son not getting in (out of state & not stellar stats), but my niece lives in NC, & isn't even applying, because she thinks she won't get in. I guess standards were lower when I attended. College is a racket (guess it always has been).... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Gotta wonder what jay Z & JT must be thinking (not to mention that Kurt Cobain is spinning in his grave)- my kid is participating in a frat fund raising activity soon-he's in the lip synch group, & poor boy can't sing or dance. UNC Clef Hangers-Holy Grail (Fall Concert 2013) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 Dear Mom, I wanted to call you tonight and tell you about the wonderful day I had. I went to a place that I *think* we went to, over 43 years ago, but I can't be sure because I was just a small child. Dad is gone, you are gone, there is no phone number to call, there is no house to stop by, there is nobody to bring dinner over for, there is nobody for me to take care of, or to check up on. I don't know if we were ever here, and I don't know who to ask. I always miss you both, but there are times when it is not bearable, and tonight is one of those times. I no longer have any responsibility to call you about anything, I have nothing to check up on you about or to worry myself sick over, dad is no longer there for me to visit in the hospital, you are no longer waiting for me to come take you out to dinner, or to stop by for a quick visit, and nobody is waiting for my daily phone calls to a number that no longer exists. You and dad are gone, forever. I don't know if I've ever been here before, and it's one of the saddest moments of my life because today was such a beautiful day, and I wanted to share it with you both, and to see if either of you remember ever having been here with me. But I'll never know, and I'm all alone, and I don't know what to do. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 This is very funny ... and SO true. "Why Engagement Rings Are A Scam" by Adam Conover on collegehumor.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveO Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I'll be a son of a b#%(#. Now someone tells me. The one I purchased involved endless months of design and mind f:%#ing time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 I'm quite proud of this because I just made it up: Q: What are the ramifications of a faulty rectal thermometer? A: Mercury Mars Uranus. Once when I was in graduate school, I challenged someone to give me a topic, and I'd instantly make up a joke on the spot. The topic given to me was "lamp post." A prostitute was standing under a lamp post. A guy comes up to her and says, "Hey, baby, how much?" She says, "Fifty dollars." The guy says, "Deal!", pulls out a fifty dollar bill, hands it to her, and walks away with the lamp post. My friend rated it a 10 out of 10 for impromptu humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 Today's Tweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Because you haven't had a frat boy throwdown for awhile: Come on, post something else, I don't want it to be guys in khakis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I promise not to post any more accapella groups for 6 months, if someone else posts something interesting/freaky on Fridays. Or just stream of consciousness ramblings... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Dente Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 More accapella... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 For this afternoon's throwdown, I'd like to highlight an "oldie but goodie" from TBD (The Big Disaster). Ladies and gentlemen, for your reading pleasure, I present to you once again: The Worst Thing Ever Written Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistle Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 For this afternoon's throwdown, I'd like to highlight an "oldie but goodie" from TBD (The Big Disaster). Ladies and gentlemen, for your reading pleasure, I present to you once again: The Worst Thing Ever Written Lame, certainly, but the worst thing ever written? Makes me miss dirty jokes & mouse sightings... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Lame, certainly, but the worst thing ever written? Makes me miss dirty jokes & mouse sightings... I think if you keep it in context, there's a legitimate case to be made: this was a serious attempt at satire, written by someone who was presumably paid to write it, and published on a hugely hyped website (*) which was owned and funded by Allbritton Communications. This is the equivalent of saying the Yugo was the worst car ever made. Surely someone, somewhere, has built a worse car than the Yugo, but can you imagine trying to find a part for one right now? Not only is the company gone; the *country* is gone. (*) In the interest of fairness, I should point out that I interviewed with them, twice, regarding becoming their restaurant critic. They did not want to pay for a restaurant critic, and instead wanted this website to become part of their blog network - I said no, and there was never a meeting of the minds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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